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I was a secretary when I met my husband JH, a contractor who was servicing the air conditioner in my office. We got married after dating for 10 years.

Life was good initially but JH’s business hit a rough patch during the 1980s recession and had to file for bankruptcy. To start anew, we moved to China where the cost of living was lower. The initial period was challenging but the herbal oil business which he started eventually did pick up till we got swindled by our business partner and lost most of our capital.

To make ends meet, we sold our house and started living in a rented room. My husband also took up a job as a security guard. It wasn’t easy for him, having lost all that he had worked hard for. His health was also suffering and he started losing his vision due to glaucoma. As he had other health problems like diabetes, we decided to move back to Singapore in 2013 to seek treatment.

A year later, I was diagnosed with a brain tumour and atrial fibrillation (irregular heartbeats). I went for a checkup after having constant cramps on the left side of my body for about six months. I have since completed chemotherapy and need to be on lifetime medication to keep the tumour
at bay.

JH and I have several medical appointments a month. He has turned blind and deaf while I’m experiencing gradual memory loss and poor vision.

I’m also the main caregiver for my husband’s sister, who has dementia and Parkinson’s disease and is living in a nursing home. We visit her weekly and accompany her for her medical appointments.
Our combined daily and medical expenses have started to drain our savings. I don’t know how long more we can last. Thankfully, we get free meals every day from a church and some subsidies for our medication. The church also takes us on outings for free, which I am grateful for.

JH and I have been married for 35 years. He is a really loving and understanding husband. He never fails to remember our wedding anniversary and makes sure we do something special on that day and that means going for a simple meal at the coffee shop!

Every morning, I join other seniors at Pasir Ris Park to exercise. It is my way of taking time out. Even though JH feels insecure being at home alone due to his condition, he tells me not to hurry back. I’m very touched by his thoughtfulness. He knows it’s not easy to be a caregiver, and that hours of break is important to me.

I am a Buddhist and believe in karma. I always joke that I may have owed JH in my previous life and have to repay him now! So whenever I’m about to get angry with him, I just take a deep breath and say a prayer. I believe good cells die when we get angry so I must stay happy!

Mdm Mary Lee
Retiree
Winner of The Singapore Health Inspirational Patient Awards 2017.

The Singapore Health Inspirational Patient Awards is an annual award which honours individuals for their strength, courage and resilience in the face of healthcare challenges.